Introduction

2015 was the year Gus really figured out how to make music. 

For those of us who know the words to “star shopping,” the line, “shoutout to everyone making my beats u helpin me preach/this music’s the only thing keeping the peace when I’m falling to pieces,” really captures the thread that ties together the songs of LIL PEEP; PART ONE.  The producers, and their beats sent via SoundCloud, Twitter, texts, and emails, sustained Gus during a low point in his relationship with his girlfriend, Emma. During that time he developed his skills as a creator of music and as a lyricist.  This intense work also helped him get through a time of estrangement from Emma.  Writing and singing his lyrics was cathartic for him. He had written exactly that a full year before he wrote “star shopping” on August 18, 2014: “Music let me get some shit off my chest…”

 LIL PEEP; PART ONE broke ground for all of Gus’s music—Live Forever, Crybaby, California Girls, Hellboy—and everything he made afterwards.  This first mixtape signals the moment when Gus realized he could not only write and sing his feelings, but that other people appreciated his work, that he was good at it, and that it helped him ease a pain that felt just about unbearable to him.

Beginnings

 Gus first contacted a producer to lease or buy beats in the summer of 2014. He told me he would listen to beats on platforms like Traktrain.com and choose one or two that he liked and then he would contact the producer of that beat. On August 7th, 2014, Gus sent an email to someone called Ty beats and said, “wats good. Im buy some beats,” The producer responded, and Gus purchased two beats for $42.

During the fall of 2014, with the help of his friend and roommate at the time, Brennan Savage, Gus made two music videos to go with two of his songs— “latitude,” and “keep my coo.”  Gus made “latitude” in August of 2014.  “Keep my coo” was made in early November 2014, just after Gus turned 18. He was still living in Pasadena.  He had just withdrawn from the one class he was taking.   He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do with himself.  But one thing he was sure of: he did NOT want to go to school.  November and December came and went. Gus came home for Christmas. When he went back to Pasadena, he decided he wouldn’t register for classes. Instead, he contacted a producer on January 27. He said, “yo I’m PayPal Ready. I want to lease ‘the last ride’ beat you have on your Traktrain.”  There was a bit of back and forth and Gus eventually got the money to the producer. He also complimented him, “no doubt, bro! That Dylan Ross tape is phenomenal so many gems on there” The producer sent the beat to Gus on January 30th.

 On January 31st, Gus was on the red eye out of Pasadena’s Bob Hope airport on a JetBlue flight headed home to JFK. I picked him up at 6:00 am on Superbowl Sunday 2015.

 Not even two weeks after he got home to Long Beach, he was listening for beats on Traktrain and contacting other producers, one of whom was to become one of his closest collaborators—Smokeasac. On  February 13th, 2015, he wrote to youngsmokemoneyposse, “wats good bro I’m trying to lease a beat off of ur Traktrain. I’m PayPal ready. Hit me back.” He purchased a beat called “smokeasac Drink A Yak” for $30. He told the young producer, “that shit go hard. I’ll give you $30 cause u cheatin urself wit that $20 price.”  It would be over a year later when Gus and Smokeasac would meet in person only to discover that they had been collaborating since February 2015.

 Gus communicated with one producer in the end of March. He began messaging with two more producers in June.  On July 2 one of them, Omen XIII, sent Gus a beat and he immediately sent back a song to which Omen replied, “Aaaaaaa Hot AF lol.” The next day, Gus asked him if he would work on a project: “what would you think about producing my entire next project?” Gus and Omen XIII began to work on a mixtape called in the bedroom I confess. Omen was kind to Gus and very encouraging. He even introduced Gus to another SESH-affiliated music artist. Gus also collaborated with Atoms to make an EP they called Garden. By the end of July, a producer named Mysticphonk sent Gus a beat that he used to create a song called “the neighbors” with his friend, jimmy v.  Between January and July 2015, Gus built up a community of friends and collaborators on SoundCloud. They were positive, productive, and eager to work with him.

 Meanwhile, Gus and Emma spent as much time as they could together, usually at our place on East Walnut St., and when Emma could get Gus to leave the house, they went into the city, ate churros, wandered around Central Park. 

They also went with friends at night to climb around the abandoned buildings in King’s Park and went to parties.  It was work for Emma to get Gus to leave his bedroom. Anxiety was what kept him there. But, he also stayed home because he was making music. Making music happened entirely in his bedroom. At one point, he went to a studio to record. It cost something like $150, a lot of money for us, and it turned out that the guy there was completely out of it and did nothing. Gus was furious at the waste of money. So he continued his practice of creating music at home and he just kept working at it.

As he began working with producers, Gus started a playlist on SoundCloud called Summer 2015.  He was not working daily on any single project.  Instead, he was working on many different projects at the same time. This is how he worked right up until he died. 

From summer to fall, he began to be very busy.   The sorrows he had felt about high school were falling into the past.  Gus was creating music, expressing his feelings by writing lyrics, making friends on SoundCloud, inviting his Long Beach friends over, and getting tattoos.  He even commissioned a mural to be painted in our backyard.

In the middle of July, Emma came with Gus and me to Cambridge, Massachusetts, for about a week.  I went to teacher workshops during the day. Gus and Emma hung out, exploring parts of Cambridge on foot.  One of the first places he wanted her to see was the Newbury Comics store in The Garage, in Harvard Square.

He took her to the Charles River.

In the end, they enjoyed themselves. When we got back to Long Beach, Gus got back to making music. He also got back to hanging out in his room so kids who wanted to smoke pot could come over. That began to drive Emma nuts. It was hard to get him to leave the house, and when he was home, there was always somebody else there. They didn’t have time alone.

In late July, they began to struggle.  Nevertheless, they messaged each other tenderly.  On August 2nd, Emma wrote to Gus, “I love you more than you’ll ever realize.” Gus wrote back, “good I love you more than that.”

The first song Gus made that he put on his playlist was “veins.”  He made it on August 4th, 2015.  He had gotten the beat from a producer known as GREAF. 

On that day, Emma wanted Gus to come to King’s Park, and he wasn’t going to go. She felt like he was always just hanging out at home and often with her friends. She said, “nobody else has to pick up their friends from their own boyfriend’s house,” Then she said “this isn’t gonna work. You’re not gonna change.” She said “Gus you make no money for selling weed. It’s not even an excuse. You should’ve been making music.”

Gus told her that he, Oskar, and Angelo were just sitting playing video games in his room and he said, “well I made a really good song today, funny u should say that.” 

There was a lot of back and forth between Emma and Gus on August 4th.  She was very frustrated that he was hanging out with friends all day.  She had been asking him to change, but people continued to stop by intermittently every day. Her texts show that she felt their relationship just wasn’t going to work. They both got upset with each other. This lasted a few days.  Gus continued to approach producers and make music.

On August 8^th, he used another beat by GREAF to make a song called “praying to the sky.”  “praying to the sky” evoked feelings of sadness and frustration. It was about fighting and then having sex—breaking up and making up.  In the song he says, “oh I don’t think I can take this anymore.” All their fighting was weighing on him. He even came to talk to me about it.  Maybe that helped him, but creating the music was what he needed to do to get it off his chest.

Gus continued to have positive interactions with his friends and producers. He struck up a friendship with Cabe Brown, a producer known as Kryptik, messaging him on SoundCloud. Gus asked if he could buy some beats off his Traktrain. One of them was called “star shopping.”

On August 13th, we drove to Cambridge for his grandfather’s 78th birthday. While we were there, Gus’s friend Angelo messaged him asking if he could share some of Gus’s songs on Twitter. Angelo was impressed with how many retweets Gus had and told him so. Gus asked him for his email and sent him a song. Angelo liked it, and Gus suggested Angelo look at his SoundCloud.

Gus could not make any music while he was in Cambridge with family.  Gus and I got back to Long Beach on August 15th. The next day he and Emma had long fight via text. That was the day he wrote “star shopping.” 

“star shopping” is about Gus and Emma. At the end of the song, he wrote a line thanking his producers for sending him beats because making music was the only thing helping him when he was feeling down--“falling to pieces.” 

 Almost immediately after he dropped “star shopping” on SoundCloud, a lot of people began to listen to it.

August 16 to September 18: From “Star Shopping” to “five degrees”

 “star shopping” went viral. Gus took a lot of pictures of his SoundCloud page showing of the number of plays in the last 24 hours and the last 7 days. On August 18th, he took his first picture of 1000 plays.

Gus, his friends, and collaborators got excited. Angelo told him that people were retweeting his tweet and that even he himself couldn’t stop listening to “star shopping.”

OmenXIII wrote to Gus after a long silence. He said he was just about to complete another project and asked if Gus wanted to get started on a five-song project with him, “we can drop on SoundCloud if you’re down.” It was an exciting time for Gus. It was also a sad time because Emma told him she wanted some space. She said she needed to figure herself out.

Though they stayed in touch, they didn’t get to see each other much. He longed for her. But she told him “I love you too much and you distract me from working on myself honestly,” so she made a plan that she would start taking photography classes in New York City in September. She would stay with her aunt in Queens during the weekdays and planned to come home on the weekends.

Gus continued to compose and create songs for SoundCloud. On August 23rd, he told Angelo, “800 plays in 24 hours.” The next day he asked Angelo to “tweet the new single.”  The new single was called “the way I see things,” and it was produced by Kryptik. There are lines in the lyrics that express Gus’s determination to make music and show how hard he worked at it.

[Verse]
I got a feelin' that I'm not gonna be here for next year
So let's laugh a little before I'm gone
I've been dreamin' up this shit for a while now
Got me high now
She don't love me, but she's singin' my songs (Oh, no)
I don't feel much pain
Got a knife in my back, and a bullet in my brain, I'm
Clinically insane
Walkin' home alone, I see faces in the rain
Where did all the time go?
Spend it gettin' high while I hide from the 5-0
Where did all the lines go?
Now, I'm so high, I be fuckin' with my eyes closed
She don't fuck with me no more, I'm on her mind though
Come and fuck me in the mornin' with the blinds closed
I can show you everything I learned
While you were away from me
Runnin' away from me, but I'm not givin' up on you

[Chorus]
It's just the way I be
It's just the way I see things
Take her away from me, but I'm not givin' up on you, no
It's just the way I be
It's just the way I see things

But he was also determined to hold onto Emma and said so. “Running away from me, but I’m not giving up on you. Take her away from me, but I’m not giving up on you. It’s just the way I be.” When he released it, he asked Emma, “U listen to the new tunes?”  She answered, “No. I got the notification though.” Gus and Emma continued to stay in touch via text.  “star shopping” continued to gain views and plays.

On August 26th, Gus sent a photo of his SoundCloud page to Angelo. “Plays last 24 hours, 7000. 11,015 plays in total.” Angelo continued to be supportive from Binghamton, where he was at school. On August 29th, Angelo told Gus that there was a girl he followed who was a rapper who had heard of Gus and liked his music.

Soon after, Gus showed Angelo he had just bought a beat from Dylan Ross, one of his idols.

 On August 30^th, Gus and Emma had another fight. “Emma I think you’re annoyed that you do absolutely fucking nothing and you’re taking it out on me. Don’t get mad at me because you’re bored….The only person who can fix this is yourself. It was never me” but he added “you can’t just text me away.

On the 31^st, he added “ghost boy” to the playlist he called Summer 2015. Gus used the Dylan Ross beat  to make “ghost boy.”  Gus was ghosting Emma, and Gus was the ghost boy. 

[Chorus]
Leave me alone, just leave me alone
I'm growin' so tired of this
How do you fight the feelin'?
How do you fight the feelin', bitch? (Bitch)
She callin' my phone, she callin' my phone
I put it on quiet quick (Quick)
I ain't never gon' answer it
I ain't never gon' pick up my phone, girl

[Verse]
I'm all on my own, I'm all on my own
I know you ain't high as this (What)
Puttin' my mind to shit
Give me some time, I be flyin', bitch (Bitch)
Breakin' my bones, you breakin' my bones
You want me to line my wrist
I ain't gon' do it for you
I'm gon' do it for me 'cause it help me forget
I ain't gon' do it for you
I'm gon' do it for me 'cause I'm tryna get rich
I ain't gon' put on no Tommy
If I don't got Tommy to put on my bitch
I'm doin' my thing now, bitch, I can sing now
So don't expect all my flows not to switch
Step in this bitch, let these hoes feel my drip
If you ain't smokin' on some, I'ma dip (Skrrt)

[Chorus]
Leave me alone, just leave me alone
I'm growin' so tired of this (What)
How do you fight the feelin'?
How do you fight the feelin', bitch? (Bitch)
She callin' my phone, she callin' my phone
I put it on quiet quick
I ain't never gon' answer it
I ain't never gon' pick up my phone, girl

[Outro]
When you are on your own
Just know that I love you
I won't pick up the phone
Just know that I need you

 Between making “ghost boy” and “high school,” Gus was excited about several things.  He went to get a new tattoo of a centipede.

He took a picture of Saphir’s SoundCloud profile where she had reposted “star shopping.”

He took several photos of Peeps candies. On September 4^th, Gus wrote to Emma: “Hey luv how the heck are ya?  I’m making music listen to it. It’s up.” Emma told him it was really good, and she said, “you rock my socks.”

As Gus began to grow a small but dedicated fan base and started to have some public success, former friends who chose to ignore him when he was unhappy in high school were now trying to contact him. In his song, “high school,” Gus wrote that he was wronged. “Throw me off the edge I fall looking up at ‘em like I never even knew them at all.” And “now these pussies got hate for me because they was busy chasin women while I was chasin dreams.” A song of revenge, pride, and growing confidence, “high school” was, Gus told Angelo, a “new banger.”

 Gus and his old friend Brennan were in touch off and on. They met because Brennan came to Long Beach in the summers to visit his cousin, Keith.  It was Keith who was Gus’s friend first.  Brennan grew up in Encinitas, California, and when Gus finished high school in 2014, he decided to go to California to live with Brennan, and attend Glendale Community College that fall.  The two moved into 1700 University Drive in Pasadena.  While Gus moved out on January 31, 2015, Brennan remained there for several years.

On September 5th, Brennan was in Pasadena when he and Gus texted: Gus asked Brennan if he was at a computer because he wanted some information.  He wanted to check something. He asked Brennan to look at “thehandofthewitch” on SoundCloud by Bones and asked Brennan to check the related tracks. Brennan was impressed. Because he idolized Bones, Gus was pleased to have his hunch confirmed. His song was listed as a related track on Bones’s SoundCloud page.

 From that moment forward, Brennan became very excited and inspired by Gus’s success.   Brennan was trying his hand at making music also. Gus was very encouraging and gave him tips and beats. They were in touch about music all the way through the creation of LIL PEEP; PART ONE. 

 On September 8th, Gus did a similar experiment, this time with Angelo.  He asked Angelo if he was at a computer and to go to a song called “thedifferencebetweenus” by Bones. Angelo was to check the related tracks. It was the same good news. Gus’s songs were listed as related tracks.  Gus was excited to tell his family and friends about the SoundCloud algorithm and how it worked. He told Angelo. “I’m lit right… and Soundcloud is doing it all for me…”

 But Gus missed Emma.  On September 9^th, he told her, “Emma I’m very depressed…well I feel like you don’t want me in your life anymore and you’re just keeping me here until you find someone else and you are wanting to find someone else and then you’re gonna cut me off completely.”  They communicated for a bit and even made plans for her to come over the next day, but she didn’t make it. They had no communication for several days.  On the 14th, they were making plans to see each other, but that didn’t work out either.  Emma went out with her girlfriend. Gus stayed home. He wrote to her asking “If I didn’t talk to you, would you talk to me still?” Gus quoted his own lyrics from “ghost boy” and sent her a picture of himself. “I’m all on my own. I’m all on my own."

 The next day he put up “another song,” produced by Glitter.  In “another song,” Gus explains the therapeutic process of songwriting.  He literally tells us why he writes songs.  The song opens with audio of Kurt Cobain talking about feeling suicidal and then Gus describes his own thoughts and how he pictures what might happen if he tried to kill himself but failed. And he ends by writing that he’s just going to smoke another bong and write another song.

 Gus wrote to Brennan the next day, “just threw up something for the subs[cribers]. I’m just waiting till I see team Sesh [Bones and his collaborators] followed you.” Then he spoke about his biggest song, “star shopping.” He said, “It’s only been one month. I got 60,000 views.” 

 That day and the next he wrote to Emma.  “Emma, I miss you. I love you that’s all.” He was worried that she was going to break up with him. She wrote back telling him she loved him.  But she felt that they needed to be apart.

 On September 18th, He told her, “I miss you too, and I hate life. I love you too. Did ya hear ma new song? I made juan today. Luv u gn.” That song was produced by Haardtek, and it’s called “five degrees.”

The lyrics of “five degrees” describe how people are cold.  For example, Gus had been hurt to find out that some of Emma’s friends--who had also been his friends--had said she should break up with him. He wrote “worry bout yourself, baby, I’ll be good. I just wanna die in peace tonight.” And yet, he also wrote how he (would) have his revenge on people who act cold—by living his best life “on an island with your bitch and a bottle and a pocket full of numbers… bet you wish you had my flow. I know I’m dope. I could ask your ho.”  I always told Gus that “living well is the best revenge.”

[Chorus]
Worry 'bout yourself, baby, I'll be good
I just wanna die in peace tonight
You can see it in my face, so I wear my hood
Feelin' like it's five degrees tonight
Everybody cold where I come from
Cut your mans down, you was lookin' for a come up
Next summer I'll be on an island with your bitch and a bottle
And a pocket full of numbers

[Verse]
Don't stutter, slang from the gutter
Got bang for ya butter
Get my name from my mother
No other, shinin' through the shutter
Say she over me, whatever
'Cause she underneath my covers
Bet you wish you had my flow
I know I'm dope, I could ask your ho
Bet you wish you got me mad
You don't, you won't, not never
Stop blowin' up my phone (Brr, brr)

Yo, run that shit back for me

[Chorus]
Worry 'bout yourself, baby, I'll be good
I just wanna die in peace tonight
You can see it in my face, so I wear my hood
Feelin' like it's five degrees tonight
Everybody cold where I come from
Cut your mans down, you was lookin' for a come up
Next summer I'll be on an island with your bitch and a bottle
And a pocket full of numbers

September 18th was also the day that Gus changed his SoundCloud playlist from Summer 2015 to LIL PEEP; PART ONE. The project was incomplete as we know it. He added the songs “nothing to u,” “it’s me,” “shame on you,” and “wannabe” later.  “star shopping” was not on the LIL PEEP; PART ONE playlist. It was still a single.  Most Peep fans use September 18^th as the official release date because that’s the first time we see the title LIL PEEP; PART ONE.  Gus never officially dropped LIL PEEP; PART ONE.  Instead, he just renamed a playlist that he had already uploaded to SoundCloud.

 On September 19th, Gus took a screenshot of his SoundCloud page that showed “the way I see things” with 18,308 plays and “star shopping” with 20,388 plays.

 The day after, Gus went into my room and tried on a pair of my reading glasses. They were cat-eye glasses. He made a little four-second black-and-white video of himself wearing the glasses and winking.

  

 During the first week that Emma was living in Queens, Gus was afraid of losing her. On September 21st, which was a Monday, Gus sent Emma two links to Avril Lavigne YouTube videos: “complicated” and “sk8yerboy,” telling her “you were my Avril.”  He said “I don’t want to be your crazy ex.” She told him, “I love you forever and always till I die.”  Then they had a little disagreement about his comments on her Instagram page. And when she did not respond to his texts right away, he said, “when you don’t answer, I literally want to rip off my face....I’m going to be a star one day. I’m going to buy you a Lambo whatever.”

 He continued to talk to his friends and make music. While Emma was in Queens, Gus and Boy Froot made 14 songs for their project, Mall Musicc. On September 21st, he told Brennan about it, “me and Froot making a whole tape. Some real infinity music.”  Then he asked Brennan, “can I commission a painting--Halloween and a muscle car?”

 Gus and Brennan talked about their tattoos.  Gus wanted to get a face tattoo.  He got the little broken heart on his left cheekbone.

 He was excited and told Brennan about it and sent him a picture telling Brennan to look at his Instagram. “Peep IG I’m gloing…when you know, ur gonna be a musician.”  He also told Brennan about the fortune he found in a fortune cookie and taped up on his wall.  He sent Brennan a picture of the strip of paper with the fortune printed on it. It said, “A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he gives up.”

 Gus’s brother Oskar was at college that fall in Denmark and Oskar messaged him on September 22^nd, saying, “new Future Drake tape is fire flames. Ur new songs are too.”  On September 28th, Gus uploaded “nothing to u” which was produced by Kryptik. He texted Angelo, “new banger up. 6:08 AM you can’t say I’m not working.” He also texted Brennan telling him, “New jam on the cloud. Already blowing up… this shit is mad fun.” He wrote to Emma about it, “how was your day? Listen to my new song it’s blowing up fast. How was school?” Emma sent Gus two photographs she had taken of him that weekend. He wanted to use them for his social media. “I luv ya ur a good photographer.”

 During her second week of school, Emma pressured Gus to cut his hair. She had wanted him to do it for a couple of weeks by now, but he’d refused. On Wednesday of that week, he sent Emma a picture of someone with pink dreadlocks and said, “my future hair.” 

 On Thursday she proposed that she cut his hair when she came home for the weekend. Emma finally came over with a buzzer and buzzed all the bleached-blonde hair off.  (Gus was always getting haircuts—buzz cuts and all kinds of fancy haircuts from the Russian barbers around the corner from us.)

 Gus wrote “it’s me” on Sunday, October 4th. “It’s me” expressed anger towards Emma. In the song’s lyrics he tells her, “but if I need to go just to show you I don’t fucking care if you don’t give a shit about me at all you little bitch that’s cool with me. Act like you don’t know that I don’t fucking stare at anybody else the way I do when it’s only me and you…you know it’s me” On Tuesday, October 6^th, Emma took the train into New York City. They spent time together that weekend, but they missed each other on Sunday night and that is when he wrote the song.  He didn’t mention anything about it to her in his text messages. On Monday, they squabbled again about his friends being at Gus’s when she wanted to come over and have time alone with him. But she told him “I love you. That’s all that matters.” The next day, Emma must have opened her SoundCloud notification and listened to “it’s me,” because she wrote to him one sentence, “I know it’s u.”  He just sent back a wink and a wedding 💍 .  The next day Emma wrote to Gus telling him she was binge-watching American Horror Story on Netflix. She told him she missed him. She sent him pictures of the room at her aunt’s house, and he sent her a picture of a test he was taking on his computer.

 Gus discussed his success with Brennan, telling him about the Astari channel on YouTube, the number of listeners, and the number of followers he had by then.  He encouraged Brennan to make his own music, and when Brennan sent him a song, he said, “this shit is a really good start.” On October 6th, Brennan showed Gus the painting he had commissioned. Gus loved it so much, that he paid him $50 instead of the initial $20 he had proposed. He showed Emma Brennan’s painting, and she said it was “really cool."

 Gus sent Brennan three beats he had “laying around.”  He told Brennan, “all of these beats R from producers I found through Xavier Wulf.”  Gus also gave Brennan tips about what to buy for equipment. He told him you just have to keep at it. “it’s all dope dude it keeps you listening. Just gotta work on mixing. It has everything to do with the amount of songs you make. By your 50th you’ll be a pro. That’s just how it works. No way around it. So keep at it,” Following this exchange, Brennan sent him some music to which Gus responded, “bruh dis fye. Now you need Adlibs, mane. That’s the best part. Phone chirps you could smack yourself lol just make noises into your phone.”

On October 9^th, Gus and Emma began to collaborate creatively. She shot the footage for the “nothing to u” video in the basement of our apartment. She also designed the set. Emma would later help create the videos for “live forever,” “drugz,” and “beamer boy.” She also acted with Gus in the video for “come around,” directed by Legacy.

 On October 10th, Emma sent Gus a little script she had written of a conversation she had with her mom and dad.  In it, Emma’s dad, Glen, asked if she was dating Gus again, and she said yes.  Her father said, “Good. I really like him.”

 Gus was clearly pleased. He wrote back “I’m a pretty likable fellow I like to believe. Good shit, Glen.”

Later that evening Emma invited Gus to go with her to the Sands Point Castle Gould on the north shore of Long Island. Her grandmother, her mom, and Emma were going the next day. Gus told her he was flattered and that he was “looking forward to it.”

 He asked if he could invite me.  We all went together, and it was a lovely day. It was so beautiful that everyone took pictures. That night, Emma thanked him for coming and told him she loved him. He sent her two pictures of the two of them that had been taken that day.

She said to him, “good night, baby. I love you. Thanks for coming today.”  He wrote back.” I love you more bb I was doing a test!! I got a 95.”

And she said, “good job you rock and you’re so smart.”  Emma and Gus had made it through the struggles of August and September.

Throughout August and September the music had been “the only thing keeping the peace while I’m falling to pieces.” During those two months and the first few days of October, Gus made ten of the twelve songs that make up LIL PEEP; PART ONE.

LIL PEEP; PART ONE: The last two songs “shame on u,” and ”wannabe”

While Emma was in her third week of photography classes, Gus was in contact with several producers. More producers were asking to work with him. He made songs with Yung Goth, OriginalGod, Hector Vae, Gizmo, Paulie Parik, and Bexey.  He had been in contact with Mysticphonk in June and July and now they began to work together regularly. The two would make several songs that ended up being put on Live Forever.  Just as Gus had told Brennan that he was ready to put ad libs into his music, Gus began doing a lot of that himself. There were drops of water, screams, and the ubiquitous “damn son where’d you find that?” audio.

 Gus made three songs between the day we went up to Castle Gould at Sands Point and the day he wrote “shame on u.”  Then he made the last song he would put on LIL PEEP; PART ONE--“wanna be”—with Mysticphonk.  The mixtape was now complete. There were still four more Mall Musicc songs to write. He and Boy Froot would complete that project on October 30th. In early November, Gus made the last song for Romeo’s Regrets. He began working with Schemaposse—JGrxxn, Ghostemane, and Craig Xen, and began a new project that he would call Live Forever. He met a Polish producer called Meeting by Chance and began working on a collaboration with him that would be called Changes.

 By the time he completed LIL PEEP; PART ONE, his first mixtape, Gus understood that he was somebody who didn’t just write songs and drop them one at a time. He was now somebody who could put those songs into a carefully curated project. He was an artist with an audience.  Having learned a lot about writing lyrics, he developed the self-confidence that shines through in Live Forever. I’m glad I got to be there to watch all of that happen.

 Finally, it bears mentioning that during the fall of 2015 Gus was not only making music, but also attending Nassau Community College and taking four full-time online classes. He agreed to do that for me. He told me so, and I told him I was very grateful. He got grades in the 80s and then in the 90s. He wrote papers about art. His art teacher asked if she could submit his final paper for a prize at the end of the semester.

He learned about criminal law. He drafted a business model for a pot business that provided a delivery service. He did all of this at the same time he was making Mall Musicc, LIL PEEP; PART ONE, and all the other projects he had going that fall and that winter.  On October 4th, he apologized to his friend Carmelo, who had said Gus had never answered a text. Gus responded “word. I was doing homework. Wat up. I dubbed like 10 people. I was writing a essay. Couldn’t even sell a bud.”

 LIL PEEP; PART ONE is evidence of a seachange in Gus’s life.  Because of that, it is very important to me. It’s why I am extremely grateful to everyone who helped clear it for release.  LIL PEEP; PART ONE needs to be here in the world.

---Liza 

From Emma:

 I had just followed Gus back to New York after living in San Diego, taking care of my baby nephew bc I had no one out there without him really. I was 18 now not in college, with absolutely no plan whatsoever and I was just watching all Gus’s plans {unfold} and come true. It was hard for me and I was scared and to tell you the truth a bit jealous. I wasn’t ready for the future, and I knew deep down it was about to be a wild ride. I remember when “star shopping” was blowing up and he started to get all these DMs from girls… it drove me NUTS. That was not happening before the music, it was just us. My plan was him, but his plans were so much bigger than that. And I was realizing it all and I knew it was time for me to figure out my own shit. And that’s when all the fighting was happening. I was insecure, confused and lost at the time and I was so afraid of what was about to happen.

It’s crazy to even go back there, it feels like these songs are so much bigger than us at this point. Bigger than our story. He became bigger than life, so quickly. I was so proud of him, but I was also so young and with that came a lot more other feelings. My confidence was being tested but I think ultimately, we worked through that time, and we had some wonderful times after that and we sure did make some beautiful art together. Making music videos or taking photos of him were sometimes the only way to get him outside but I had fun doing it and I could tell he enjoyed including me in it all.

From Brennan

 2015 was a pivotal time. I remember this was when Gus was fully committing to making music his career.  I always knew he was destined for greatness, but this year really solidified it. Every time he would make a new track he would send it to me immediately, and every time I was more blown away. He knew what he was capable of, but he was so ambivalent about everything that he would set very attainable, grossly humble goals. I would always reassure him that he’s gonna be one of the best. He knew it too; he just didn’t like to say it out loud (lol). He always tried to include me whether it was him pushing me to make beats, make art, or record vocals.

At one point Gus commissioned me to make a painting of him. (Commissioning meaning he sent me $30 in order to buy the supplies). It was right after he got the broken heart face tattoo and he was adamant that it was highlighted. I remember when i sent him a photo of it he said “wow so much better than I expected” (lollll). He was extremely supportive toward me and that really is the sole reason I have any type of career. When it came to music, I thought he was so god damn impressive that it would be rude for me to even attempt anything, but here I am, able to live off of art, all because of him.

 Thinking back on that time it really warms my heart to know that once he skyrocketed past all of his humble expectations, he must have been more than ecstatic. On a personal note, I do miss the times when all we worried about was what outfits we were gonna wear and what tattoos we were gonna get. We treated life like a video game. Always trying to customize ourselves. We would pool our money together, buy some weed, and just chat about our goals while listening to waka flocka and Future. Simpler times. I can’t believe it’s almost been 10 years. I miss that dude. Think about him every day.

From Angelo

It all started in 12^th grade. Gus started to take the music thing more seriously, and within the span of that year, all of a sudden it seemed, he was one of the top, up-and-coming Soundcloud streaming artists of the Soundcloud era.

 Liza sent me some of our old text messages from the summer of 2015. I asked him permission to share some of his songs on Twitter that summer. He had dropped “Praying to the Sky” and “Toxic” at the time, and they were bangers. To show him some support, I knew I needed to retweet those songs. You could tell he was happy to have somebody do that for him, so he asked for my email and said that I was blessed. The track he sent me was “star shopping.” This was all right before I had to go back to school.  Earlier that summer we talked about trying to squeeze in an acid trip session before I left for school. We ended up not being able to make that happen, but I still came over that night. We hung out in his brother’s room because that’s where all his music stuff was set up. I wanted it to be a meaningful goodbye because I was leaving, but from what I remember he spent most of that night with his headphones on, bumping beats and writing lyrics on his Notes as I lay on Oskar’s bed on my phone. I’m pretty sure that’s why I left early. But now, remembering it, the memory of looking back and seeing Gus just sitting there focused after dapping each other up and saying goodbye as I’m closing the door behind me: it will be forever painted in my memories of him. I never could have guessed that what he was doing right then, at that exact time, was going to change the world.

 After I got back to school, he would keep sending me music and updating me on his opinions about it because he had gotten to be a Soundcloud pro—he could see how many streams he got and which profiles were listening to his music. It must have been during school break because I have a memory of him showing me that he could see who and where in the world people were streaming his music. He was stoked about it and named the different countries. Right before he clicked on “star shopping,” I told him I was a serious streamer of that song because I was embarrassed to be caught as one of his top listeners. Looking back at our texts, I even said to him, “dude I can’t stop listening…im gonna play it over 100 times.” During that summer of 2015, I can’t imagine how many times I listened to it. Then he showed me: it turns out I was either number 2 or number 3. We kept on looking at the stats of some of his other songs, and it’s funny because he showed me that there were kids from our high school who were also listening to Gus’s music. It wasn’t just one play but multiple ones, and they came from some of the kids you would never have expected to tune into his music. Gus loved every second of it.