Gus was happy when he started to work on the project that he and OmenXIII would call in the bedroom, i confess.  It was mid-May when he introduced himself to Omen, sending him an email on May 16. 

“yo would u be down to Collab with a g I’m just tryna have some fun make some good music!! I just started recording on a mic in my bedroom last month and I think we got a similar vision… And u def very talented bro I’m just trying to branch out. Hit me up mane”

At the end of his email message, Gus sent a link to his SoundCloud page. The next day, Gus sent Omen a link to a video he had just made an uploaded onto YouTube. 

“just made my first video bro if u ever want to collab just hmu Id even throw u a couple bucks for a verse.” 

On May 18, Gus got a response. Omen answered him on Soundcloud, saying “ill af my g.”

That started a conversation on Soundcloud where they messaged for just over a month, finally switching over to text messages on June 23, 2015.

These SoundCloud messages exude Gus‘s excitement and gratitude for Omen. Even though Omen was just a little bit older, he had more experience making music. 

And yet, he was not judgmental or dismissive.  Instead, Omen very kind to Gus right from the start. Gus was amped to make his first collaborative project with Omen XIII.  Together, sharing their music through email, they created a five-track project called in the bedroom, i confess. They continued to collaborate after that project, creating “never alone,” and “family.”  Not until 2016 did Gus and Ome meet in person. They ended up living together for a few months in Pasadena--at the ubiquitous 1700 University Drive. Omen described that time in a 2018 interview. 

“… when we hung out, we got along about everything… That’s just how it was. It’s just an odd group… all of us were probably the nonjudgmental type of people, and I felt like everybody had just kinda stepped into himself… after trying to fit in at school, trying to fit in at work, trying to be normal and trying to friends and do normal things and work a 9 to 5 and trying to get through college and dropping out of college and shit like that, not to make it all about me, but I found my place after all that and I feel no matter what age everybody was--cause that whole group I think range is probably about a span of eight years in age--but no matter what, at that same time I feel like we all found ourselves in a certain type of way and we’re also like “Hey this is me. This is what I’ve been fucking with. What do you fuck with, though?“ 

“It wasn’t necessarily meeting people that were similar to you, so you felt comfortable. It was the opposite. It was finding comfort in yourself and accepting each other for who you are… And that was never said out loud or anything. It didn’t have to be, but I feel that was a big reason we were all close in certain ways. And what I’m saying is I found myself in those ways, and I started doing my thing.… Craig did his thing. Peep did his thing.  Ghost did his thing. J Green did his thing. Brennan did his thing. Everybody did their own thing, but we all supported each other, no matter what….”

But this essay is about the spring of 2015, when Gus was beginning to develop self-confidence in his ability to make music. He had come home on February 1st, gotten his big red beats soon after, and, by May 15, he had made several songs, including “hate me,” “downdowndown,” (4/8/15) “old me,” (4/18/15) “feelz,” and “toxic city.”

He had also just released the feelz EP and made a video for the title track with his friend Will in our house while I was at work.

During that spring of 2015, Gus told me all about TeamSESH and how much he admired Bones and wanted to be like him--supporting himself by making music in the underground music scene. He told me how that young man’s parents would come to his concerts and sell T-shirts for him--how his parents were proud of him and worked to help him. (I told him I would do that for him also, if he wanted.) Gus spent a lot of time listening to music on SoundCloud and learning about how SoundCloud worked. He was very excited about it because he saw that an individual artist could upload their own work and it could get picked up by other artists and reposted. This system helped new artists get seen and develop a following. Gus was eager to do that--to jump in with a particular group or style of music.  In the fall of 2015, Gus described the SoundCloud algorithm to his grandmother—who had just paid to upgrade his account so that he could see even more data.

Developing a collaborative friendship with Omen clearly meant a lot to Gus. It made him feel good.  The day after Omen wrote him for the first time, Gus wrote the song “life” (May 19). That song has some amazing lyrics and communicates how life has its ups and downs. “I know that it hurts sometimes but it’s beautiful” is the opening line. I think Gus was feeling that life was beautiful for him right then. Gus looked forward to the future and felt buoyed by this friendship. 

He began to play with images for album art creating a theatric motif, overlaid with photo of himself lighting a big pipe.

He also made this spooky nighttime image with himself in a graveyard, shrouded in smoke.

That summer, he played around with other images of himself shrouded in smoke—an image he enjoyed toying with until he died.

And he sent some of his music to his friends—Angelo, James, and Tyler.

Omen was busy, making music with other people. Omen had TeamSESH connections, which was one reason why Gus looked up to him.  Omen had already established himself by working with producers like Dylan Ross--someone Gus admired musically.  Omen also had a day job (and he had just gotten a new job) when he and Gus met on SoundCloud.

Nevertheless, Omen made time to correspond with Gus and to make music with him. They discussed how to make music together, agreeing on a process. The first song they made together was called “ride.” Gus wrote the lyrics in his notes app.


boba on the rocks:

Gus and Omen mused about the process of making music. Gus revealed to Omen that he only had GarageBand and did not know about mixing or how to change his vocals.

Omen did not hold that against Gus. He continued to work with Gus, enjoying the process.  They were both honest with each other and quite vulnerable and open in the way they communicated.

On June 4, they made “Boba on the rocks.”  The next day, June 5, they made “blacked out.”  And while the two boys took a break for a day, Gus made another song on June 6 and sent it to his friend Angelo, calling it “same old same old,” with “yeeee” as the email’s subject heading.

On June 7, Gus and Omen collaborated to make both “swamp theme,” and “we’ll be fine.”

They put the songs up on SoundCloud as they made them. Then, on June 17, they compiled them in order and named this five song EP in the bedroom, i confess. Gus emailed the SoundCloud link to Willie G, Mystikphonk, and dubz908 telling them each “got ur production on here brotha if ur down to repost.”

Working with Omen was a wonderful entry into the welcoming world of the underground SoundCloud music scene.  Gus felt proud and encouraged by the multitude of collaborators he encountered there.  This feeling carried him through the summer as he honed his craft, creating a large collection of songs both on his own and with new collaborators.  In the month of July, Gus and Emma came with me to Cambridge and spent a lot of time together out and about.  That month, Gus made 5 songs.  In August, Gus came to Cambridge with me, this time to celebrate his grandpa’s 78th birthday on August 14.  Just before that trip, Gus made “veins” (August 8), and when we returned, he made “star shopping” on August 16. In the month of August, Gus made 8 songs.  The momentum continued to build.  In September, Gus made 23 songs—most of them with boy froot.  

The collaboration and friendship Gus had with Omen built the foundation for so much that was to come.  Because of Omen, Gus felt welcomed into the SoundCloud world.  He had not felt welcomed into a community for a long time—if ever, really.  He was happy, creative, productive, and proud of himself for who he was.  We have Omen to thank for that.